If I've learned one thing in college so far (although I’d
like to think I've learned a few more than that) it’s that change is really
scary. I became so accustomed to and comfortable with high school life because
it was basically all I knew. Therefore the college transition didn't come as
naturally to me. Sure, I’m doing well in all my classes, and I love the roomy
schedule, but I’m lacking a bit in the social department.
I had developed a strong network of friends in high school,
but I’m quickly realizing that not all of those friendships will last forever.
I’m holding on tight to people I probably ought to let go of, and I think that’s
what’s keeping me from making new friends.
I’m constantly gravitating away from social activities and
into my dorm room, and it’s leaving me feeling empty and like I’m lacking the “real
college experience.” Change is something that terrifies me more than anything.
I am a person who loves routine. I wake up at the same time, eat the same
breakfast, wear the same clothes, and do the same mundane tasks. I’m starting
to realize that living my life in a shell like this is not actually considered
living.
Now, I’m not saying that I want to change who I am completely
and drop all my old friends, but I need to start shedding my old skin and
inviting new people into my life. I need to break out of my shy shell and show
people who I really am because I actually think I’m pretty great (in a totally
non self-absorbed way).
One thing I am particularly not happy with is the fact that
I tend to pre-judge people. If I see a really pretty girl, I automatically
think she is some ditsy sorority girl, but that is definitely not always the
case. I have learned this especially through my roommate, Michaela. Although we
hardly ever talk, I can see that she is both a sorority girl and a kind and
generous person with pretty great taste in music.
I've had five months to get to know her and my other
roommate Danielle, but we never set that foundation. I wish we had that close
bond like I hear my UNL friends talk about, but no one initiated our
friendship. Judging by what I see on social media and hear through the paper
thin dorm room walls, we would get along just fine and could possibly even be
good friends. Maybe I was supposed to be the one to light the fire. I guess I'll never know.
So I guess what I’m trying to say, is that it’s time for me
to start enforcing positive change in my life, and letting go of all the people
that are holding me back. I may not know who I am or where I’m going, but I
know that if I look hard enough, I’ll find it soon enough.
