All month long, I’ve been thinking hard about what to write
for this month’s blog post, and nothing was coming to me naturally like it
usually does. I didn’t want to write the cliché end-of-the-year-reflection post,
but I wanted something to sort of wrap up my 2016. My friend Holly suggested
that I just start writing about not being able to come up with something to
write about and a topic would arise from my frustrated rant. She was right.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself this year, it’s
what I am capable of and what my limits are. I tend to push myself to my
limits, and often beyond them, which can be quite stressful. This year I pushed
myself so far past my limits so many times, that I ended up discovering the
toll my anxiety truly takes on me, such as these fun little things called panic
attacks. From this, I learned that sometimes it’s okay to admit that I’m not
okay and confide in others for help, even when it’s hard. When I feel as if I’m
at my breaking point, I take a step back and a deep breath and let myself
unwind with the help of friends, books, and video games.
On the flip side, sometimes I tend to hold myself back and
not allow myself to reach my full potential. It’s simple: I don’t give myself
enough credit. People have always told me that I can do anything I put my mind
to, but I never really listened to them. This year I have learned that I am
extremely independent, relentlessly determined (which often translates to stubbornness),
and a lot more intelligent and creative than I give myself credit for. My
professors these past two semesters have taught me that while my writing is not
perfect (because there is no such thing as a “finished” piece) it is a good
foundation to build off of. They have also taught me that if I want to write
good stuff, I have to take the time to write good stuff and not procrastinate
until the sun comes up on the due date. If I truly want to pursue a “writing
career,” I have to get used to putting in the work required to “make it.”
That being said, I want to write a bit about where I stand
as far as my writing is concerned. I have adopted a new love for poetry this
year, reading and writing it. My poetry typically stems from a moment of
overwhelming emotion, and when I’m writing it, I’m writing it for me, not for
the purpose of publishing someday. This can be both good and bad. I become too
attached to these poems and start to believe that they are perfect the way they
are and don’t need any editing, but that’s just not realistic. No poem is
perfect, and no poem is ever truly finished because every poem can benefit from
improvements.
Another form of writing I have come to enjoy is memoirs and
personal essays. Over the course of the last two semesters, I have read a lot
of these types of writings, and it reminds me of these blog posts I write. I
have a lot of fun writing these, and I’ve been thinking about putting them into
a collection of sorts someday, perhaps for publication. I’m not sure how that
will work out or if people will even care what I have to say, but it’s just a
thought.
While 2016 was a rough year for me (and many celebrities as
well), I can’t help but try and look on the bright side. I experienced many
firsts this year, felt the devastating blow of a couple of heartbreaks, and
finally figured out what it means to reach one’s full potential. Thanks for the
inspiration 2016, but it’s time to say goodbye.
