Disclaimer: This is a long one, folks, so strap in.
Let’s talk
about internet friends.
In 2008, I
joined a little website called Stardoll. It is an online fashion and social
community where you can create your own avatar, compete in various fashion
competitions, make friends, and so much more. I was twelve years old and for a
while, I hid the account from my parents because I was afraid they wouldn’t let
me have it because it involved talking to strangers on the internet. I was
responsible with it, though; I never gave out any personal information.
About a year
after I joined the site, I met a girl with the username jonasfan_smile. After a
while, we exchanged first names. We chatted every time we were online together
and bonded over our love of the Jonas Brothers. I didn’t know it was possible
to feel such a strong connection to someone I had never even met. Skip forward
a couple of years (maybe more, my memory is foggy) and we exchanged full names
and sent each other friend requests on Facebook. Her name was Abby Johnston. After
more talking, we exchanged phone numbers. I waited until I was home alone, called
her up, and sat by my window so I could see when my parents came home. I was
paranoid beyond belief and I hated that I went behind their backs, but I knew
they wouldn’t understand. I could practically hear the conversation in my head.
They would say she’s probably some forty-year-old predator living in his parent’s
basement trying to kidnap young girls. But I knew this wasn’t the case. She was
my friend. I knew her.
Fast forward
to 2013. After much conversation, Abby and I agreed that it was time for us to
meet in person. At this point, we had been Skpying and texting daily, and my
parents knew about her (after much explanation). Sixteen-year-old me put
together a PowerPoint presentation that laid out the details of my trip to
South Carolina to meet my internet friend, prices and all (after all, I am my
father’s daughter). I could tell they were very hesitant, and looking back on
it from an adult perspective, I can see why. What parent in their right mind
would send their teenage daughter halfway across the country for a week to stay
with people she has never even met? I tried my best to make my case, to make
them believe that I did know her. She
wasn’t just my internet friend; she was my best friend. Ever. Period.
Eventually,
they agreed to let me go, which I know couldn’t have been easy on their part.
Summer rolled around, and I was finally on a plane. This was the second time I
had ever flown and the first by myself. When I arrived at the Charlotte
airport, my stomach was twisted into unbelievably tight knots. But that all
disappeared when I saw Abby and her mom waiting for me by the luggage carousel.
We hugged and laughed and took pictures, and I couldn’t believe that she was
there, standing in front of me. Finally, after all those years of Stardoll
messages and Skype calls, my best friend was standing right in front of me. I’ll
never forget that feeling.
Fast forward
to about 2015. I was living in the UNO dorms with Rachel. She played video
games a lot, and eventually I got back into them too. I used to play shooters
with my dad and brother, but I never got super into video games. She told me
about a YouTube channel called Achievement Hunter, and I wasn’t sure how
watching someone play video games could possibly be interesting, but after some
coaxing, I gave it a try. And from that first video, my life changed.
From there,
I got into Achievement Hunter’s parent channel, Rooster Teeth. When I say “got
into” what I really mean is dove in head-first and haven’t come up for air
since. Via the Rooster Teeth Facebook group, I joined a group chat of other fans.
And that is where I met my new internet
friends. Erin, Haydn, Holden, Justin, Taylor, Jose, Alex, and all my other RT
Squad friends have given me so many laughs and virtual hugs over the past two
years or so. We Snapchat each other daily, and a few of us are even meeting up
at RTX Austin this year (Rooster Teeth’s annual internet/gaming convention).
Even though I’ve never physically met them, these are my people. I know them. I know what jobs they have,
who likes pineapple on their pizza, what kinds of games they like, what keeps
them up at night, what fast food they get at 1am, and more.
Finally, around
April of 2017, a young man named Alfredo Diaz made his first appearance in an
Achievement Hunter video. From there, I found his Twitch channel and tuned into
his streams every now and then. From the very first time I typed “Hi everyone”
in the chat, I knew this was where I belonged. They paid attention to me. They
cared about what I had to contribute, and that matters when you feel alone in
the world.
I was
invited to a group chat full of people from Alfredo’s community, and they
welcomed me with open arms. I don’t remember what my life was like before I met
Alli, Gill, Hawk, Will, Hanson, Lexie, Kate, Andrew, Vol, Dark, and everyone
else in the Sauce Pot (or whatever the name was changed to this time). Even
though the 217 messages can be a lot to catch up on sometimes, I enjoy every
second with these people. We share our problems and offer sympathy and
solutions. We gush about Achievement Hunter, k-pop, attractive celebrities, food,
dogs and cats and birbs, and tacky memes. They make me laugh when happiness feels
impossible. They are my family, as dysfunctional as we are, and I can’t imagine
life without them now. Some of us are also meeting up at RTX this year, and I
can’t wait to take selfies and make more memories.
So before
you go judging someone for having “internet friends,” think about the way your “real
life” friends make you feel: cared for, respected, loved. Internet friends are real friends too. They give you all that and so much more. They give
you a place to be free to say how you feel without judgement, a platform to
share your opinions or discuss the latest internet trend, and most importantly,
just like the friends you see every day, they make you feel like you matter in
this world. I think we could all use a bit of that these days.
